Friday, March 05, 2004

OH NO! I might be a modern!

So I am experienceing a bit of a paradigm shift, that most of us are right now. Things are changing but we can't exactly touch it. It's there, but you can't see it. Can't see the wind, but you like to breathe air right? (rip D-Boy)

So the other day I came to terms with the fact that I might be a modern. That sucks. I want to be a postmodern. I see modernism as a greater avenue of evil than good. Sure, they gave us great stuff like medicine and microwaves, but I don't like them enough to deal with the evil that came also. In fact, I haven't had a microwave for 8 months now, and I only miss the microwave popcorn! Modernism, to me, is not desired. It is the past, I live in the future.

But the reality is I come into this with a history of modernism. Just the other day I was on the phone with my youth minstry professor, who was also my Sonlife coach (not an official thing, just how we circled our relationship), and I was complaining to him that everything I learned in college was modern, and useless where I live now. It's like getting a degree in Spanish to be able to lead Frenchmen. Somethings are understandable, but most of the communication is lost in translation.


That makes it scary. Everything about everything is changing.

So, returning from my intellectual sojurn, I find that I have a desire to be postmodern, but all of my faith training, including Bible College, was done in a way that was throughly modern. I am a modern creation. I now have to work at deconstructing everything in order to recreate something that has to do with the reality I live in now. I have to learn to change my accent. "de" (sounds:deuh) in Spanish sounds nothing like "de" (sounds:day) in French.

And now, I am wondering if I am postmodern or not. Does my desire to categorize betray my modernism? Does my struggle with categories betray my postmodernism?

I am not postmodern in any sense of a pure version. I am not modern in any sense of a pure version.

I am coming out of modernism into postmodernism. This gives struggles that a postmodern (in the pure sense) will never know. These people may not exist for a hundred years, as the contributions of modernism cease to dominate the mainstream.

So I ask more questions than I give answers, so today I feel postmodern. It's like asking if someone is a Calvinist. My reply to that question is usually, "Today?" And then I confess that on that particular day I am a (1-5, usually around 2ish) point Calvanist. But it changes. It is fluid.

So I say this: today I am a postmodern. But I doubt it.

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